[Sign Up Now] to Receive Our FREE Daily SCVTV-SCVNews Digest by E-Mail

Inside
Weather
Santa Clarita CA
Clear
Clear
63°F
 
Calendar
Today in
S.C.V. History
October 17
1837 - Trapper Peter LaBeck killed by grizzly bear at El Tejon [story]


The Real Side | Commentary by Joe Messina
| Monday, Feb 24, 2014

joemessinamugThis one had my head spinning. I had to watch and listen twice. Now, I know, some might say this guy has issues of his own, but the audience was proof that he was on target.

Jerry Seinfeld was on the new “Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon,” and I am sure his audience was not a bunch of old folks.

After a few minutes of stand-up comedy, Seinfeld sat down with Fallon and got into a conversation about parenting. Seinfeld said he was not in agreement with this “new style” of parenting and reminded the audience that when many of us were kids, our parents didn’t give a darn about a lot of things.

Seinfeld said our parents never made deals with us to eat our food, brush our teeth and so on. Our parents didn’t have to ask us 147 times to go to bed – “Get back into your bed.” “What did I tell you?” “Did you brush your teeth?” “Did you use water?” – and so on .

How many books do you read to your children at night? How many hours of TV do they watch in their bedroom before going to bed? The inmates are running the asylum.

Look, I’ve had four children. Based on how different each was, they might as well have been born to four different sets of parents. My ex-wife and I had different parenting styles. (I am not picking on my ex-wife. I’m simply stating fact and using my own, real-life example, since I can’t use yours.)

I heard on a regular basis how she couldn’t get them to eat. She couldn’t get them to go to sleep, clean their rooms, make their beds, do their homework.

On the other hand, when they were at my house, we all ate at the dinner table at the same time. We cleaned up together. Everyone was in bed at the assigned time. Beds were made and rooms cleaned every Saturday before they went outside. Sounds a little like a militant lifestyle? Well, so what?

Kids love consistency. Kids want to know things are the way they should be. They want to be able count on mommy and daddy and other adults to be there for them, to guide them and help them.

Sometimes help is not in the form of, “It’s OK, honey, you broke the TV while playing ball in the house; I am sure you didn’t mean it.” (Insert buzzer sound here.) Wrong answer.

Life has consequences. When you do something you shouldn’t be doing like drinking and driving, speeding in a residential zone, cheating on a test or consistently showing up late for work, it’s not going to be all right. Those things carry serious consequences … jail time, fines, failing a class, or getting fired.

The best time for your kids to fail and feel the consequences is at a young age when they are still with you. Parents discipline in a loving and caring way, not demeaning.

According to Dr. Robi Ludwig, a psychotherapist, there is a real backlash against these helicopter parenting strategies, described by Seinfeld and practiced by many millennial moms.

Helicopter parenting is when parents hang over the kids, never allowing them to feel bad about anything, to fail, or to make non-life-threatening mistakes. These kids ultimately learn nothing about real life or how to interact in the real world.

Dr. Ludwig says: “Certainly there is a generation of moms who waited a long time before they had kids. They’re working many hours. So, due to guilt or just falling in love with motherhood, they’re creating this whole ritual” of a feel-good eating experience or a bedtime experience or whatever.

Many of the offspring of these helicopter parents and the kids of the “no score, no grades” era are having real problems in today’s society and in the workplace.

When they encounter problems with authority at work, many go into shutdown mode. Friends who own businesses have plenty of stories to tell about that generation. People who show up late … a lot. And use excuses like traffic, couldn’t find a parking space, long line at Starbucks, I’m not a morning person, or I talked to another parent too long when I dropped off my kid. Really?

In the past, I have had employees who got extremely upset with me because they weren’t paid for 40 hours even though they only worked 36. Let that sink in. Then there were those who came in at 8:35 a.m. or 8:40 a.m. when everyone else started at 8:30 a.m. They went to lunch around 11:45 a.m. and came back at 1-ish when lunch for everyone else was noon to 1 p.m.

It was my experience that most of these people grew up in an “open” parenting environment.

According to Dr. Ludwig, these kids who were raised by a helicopter mom consistently say they are not so happy with the way the world worked out. The world does not actually revolve around them. Shocking.

Dr. Ludwig says it’s better for children not to think that everything is going to be easy, because life is not easy. In order to be successful in the world, you have to be prepared for reality. You have to believe in yourself. But you have to know things are not always going to go your way, and learn how to strategize.

By not allowing children to achieve on their own, good or bad, I believe we are doing them a disservice. They need to see what working hard will get you, and what working “kind of” hard gets you, and what “not trying at all” gets you.

To Seinfeld’s point, our parents didn’t care if you were always happy, got everything you wanted, or faced hardships. These things built character, and they taught us how to deal with them and work through them.

Parents need to be there to guide and encourage, not do and shelter.

 

Joe Messina is host of The Real Side (TheRealSide.com), a nationally syndicated talk show that runs on AM-1220 KHTS radio and SCVTV [here]. He is also a member of the Hart School Board. His commentary publishes Mondays.

 

Comment On This Story
COMMENT POLICY: We welcome comments from individuals and businesses. All comments are moderated. Comments are subject to rejection if they are vulgar, combative, or in poor taste.
REAL NAMES ONLY: All posters must use their real individual or business name. This applies equally to Twitter account holders who use a nickname.

1 Comment

  1. Di says:

    It all seems like some vicious cycle to me. From my own experience and observations, these bad habits of the “milennials” is a result of the way that their parents were raised. I had these so-called “helicopter parents” growing up. But it’s been explained to me, or pieced together on my own, that they deliberately raised me and my siblings in a way that was completely opposite of the strict childhood they had as baby boomers. They didn’t want us to suffer seemingly harsh consequences for human mistakes. But now I’m living in a generation of lost souls who suffer from an enlarged sense of entitlement. So, I agree with this article, but I think there’s another layer to it that would be interesting to examine.

Leave a Comment


Opinion Section Policy
All opinions and ideas are welcome. Factually inaccurate, libelous, defamatory, profane or hateful statements are not. Your words must be your own. All commentary is subject to editing for legibility. There is no length limit, but the shorter, the better the odds of people reading it. "Local" SCV-related topics are preferred. Send commentary to: LETTERS (at) SCVNEWS.COM. Author's full name, community name, phone number and e-mail address are required. Phone numbers and e-mail addresses are not published except at author's request. Acknowledgment of submission does not guarantee publication.
Read More From...
RECENT COMMENTARY
Tuesday, Oct 10, 2017
It was 10 years ago this fall semester that we opened the Canyon Country Campus on Sierra Highway. We are celebrating a decade of academic excellence and community impact. What a difference a decade makes.
Tuesday, Oct 3, 2017
The Trump budget proposes decreasing funding to the Department of the Interior by $1.5 billion. Trump is calling for more drilling in national parks and monuments. He plans to open BLM land to drilling and fracking.
Tuesday, Oct 3, 2017
We are quickly approaching the culmination of the year-long celebration of our city’s 30th anniversary. It is truly a time to celebrate all the hard work, dedication, perseverance and passion that took our City from being a tiny portion of Los Angeles County to the thriving third largest city in the county.
Tuesday, Oct 3, 2017
This month marks an exciting milestone for the premier arts and entertainment district in Santa Clarita.
Friday, Sep 29, 2017
Kaepernick has never spoken of personally experiencing any negative interactions with the police. Appearances are he had a pretty nice life provided by people with white skin while living in a country that presented him with obvious, mind-boggling opportunities.
Thursday, Sep 28, 2017
Despite its close proximity to the city of Barstow, Rainbow Basin remains virtually undiscovered. It is well worth a visit. Visitors to the area can find scenic opportunities for hiking, rock scrambling, camping, photography, sightseeing and horseback riding.

Latest Additions to SCVNews.com
1837 - Trapper Peter LaBeck killed by grizzly bear at El Tejon [story]
After 16 years as director of Parks, Recreation and Community Service for the city of Santa Clarita, Rick Gould announced Monday he's retiring in mid-December.
Rick Gould Retires as City’s Parks & Recreation Chief
Tonight on SCV NewsBreak, Governor Brown signed off on a new bill that will change local water retailers distribute water in SCV. Plus, a spicy and savory Saturday for charity. Watch these stories and more on tonight's edition of SCV NewsBreak.
SCV NewsBreak for Monday, October 16, 2017
The Newhall School District's next Regular Board Meeting is Tuesday, October 17 at 6:15 p.m., and consideration of Newhall Family Theater approvals are on the agenda.
Oct. 17: Newhall School District Considers Newhall Family Theater OK
Master’s and Westmont College needed more than 90 minutes again Saturday to settle a Golden State Athletic Conference showdown in Santa Barbara.
Master’s Men Soccer Players Fall to Westmont in OT
Leaders from the CLWA and NCWC will meet in October, November and December to discuss their merger, which creates the Santa Clarita Valley Water Agency as of Jan. 1.
Next Step: Water Agency Officials to Share Merger Details
Master’s women soccer players and coaches alike were adamant after Saturday’s top-10 matchup that Westmont’s 5-2 win wasn’t nearly as lopsided as the score suggests.
Westmont Tops Master’s Women’s Soccer 5-2
Although Friday the 13th is a day generally associated with bad luck, CalArts turned the superstition on its ear as the community celebrated the inauguration of its fourth president, Ravi S. Rajan.
CalArts Inaugurates Ravi S. Rajan as Fourth President
CalArts School of Theater faculty Janie Geiser brings her collage film program "Double Vision" to REDCAT in downtown Los Angeles on Monday, Oct. 16 at 8:30 p.m.
Oct 16: ‘Double Vision’: Recent Films by Janie Geiser at REDCAT
The promising signs the Mustangs showed in their Missouri opener paid off in the evening Friday when Master’s women’s volleyball picked up its first road win of the season.
Master’s Rallies on the Road, Nets Season’s First Win
College of the Canyons' women's volleyball team opened Western State Conference play in style, as the Cougars swept visiting West L.A. College in straight sets.
No. 11 Canyons Sweeps West L.A. at the Cougar Cage
Route 66 Classic Grill in Canyon Country will host a fundraiser for local victims of the October 1 Las Vegas shootings on Saturday, October 28, from noon to 4 p.m.
Oct. 28: Route 66 Hosts Benefit for Las Vegas Shooting Victims
A roundup of the Santa Clarita arts-related events for Oct. 16-20, 2017.
Oct. 16-20: Santa Clarita Arts Upcoming Events
The Santa Clarita Valley Chamber of Commerce's October mixer is set for Wednesday, October 18 at Atria Senior Living in Newhall starting at 5:30 p.m.
Oct. 18: SCV Chamber October Mixer at Atria
The Boys & Girls Club of Santa Clarita Valley will host a series of "Great Futures" tours for local residents in an effort to get the word out about the club's programs and services.
SCV Boys & Girls Club Hosts ‘Great Futures’ Tours
A special meeting of the Santa Clarita City Council, the Planning Commission, the Parks, Recreation and Communnity Services Commission, the Arts Commission, and the Open Space Preservation District Financial Accountability and Audit Panel is set for Tuesday, October 17 at City Hall.
Oct. 17: Harassment, Abusive Conduct Prevention Training for City Officials
The Hart Indians outscored the Canyon Cowboys 35-18 at Harry Welch Stadium Friday, October 13, in the teams' 50th matchup, and Kevin Karzin, president of the SCV Photographers Association, contributed photos from the game.
Photo Gallery: Hart Indians Beat Canyon Cowboys 35-18
Gov. Brown has vetoed a President Donald Trump-inspired proposal that would have required presidential candidates to release their tax returns in order to appear on the statewide ballot.
Brown Vetoes Bill Requiring Candidates Release Tax Returns
Gov. Jerry Brown signed a series of bills on Sunday calling for criminal justice reforms, including reduction of penalties for some gun and drug crimes and changes to the Megan's Law sex offender registry.
Brown Signs Bills for Criminal Justice Reforms
1853 - Sarah Gifford, community leader and wife of Newhall's first railroad station agent, born in England [story]
With the stroke of his pen Sunday, Gov. Jerry Brown eliminated the Castaic Lake Water Agency and Newhall County Water District and replaced them with a new water agency for the Santa Clarita Valley.
Brown Signs Wilk Bill Merging SCV Water Agencies
1939 - Second, larger OLPH Catholic Church dedicated on site of first (10th & Walnut, Newhall) [story]
Santa Clarita-based Princess Cruises celebrated the New York premiere of “Born to Dance,” the latest offering from its first-of-its-kind partnership with award-winning composer Stephen Schwartz and famed director/creator Daniel C. Levine.
Princess Cruises Celebrates NY Premiere of ‘Born to Dance’ With Schwartz, Levine
1980 - Phillies beat Royals in Game 1 of World Series; Hart grad Bob Walk is winning pitcher [story]
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences honored 17 student winners from colleges and universities around the world at the 44th Student Academy Awards ceremony in Beverly Hills Thursday night.
Medalists Revealed at 2017 Student Academy Awards
The Los Angeles Dodgers will play host to the Chicago Cubs in Game 1 of the 2017 NLCS at Dodger Stadium on Saturday starting at 5:08 p.m.
National League Championships Open at Dodger Stadium Saturday
Santa Clarita ranks No. 5 among Los Angeles County's 88 cities in the assessed value of all taxable real property and business personal property, according to the 2017 Annual Report released by County Assessor Jeffrey Prang today.
Santa Clarita No. 5 Highest Valued City in LA County
The U.S. Attorney’s Office, the FBI, and a coalition of other law enforcement agencies and community organizations will host the 9th Annual Cyber Crime Prevention Symposium in downtown Los Angeles on Monday, October 16 from 8:25 a.m. to 1:45 p.m.
Oct. 16: Cyber Crime Symposium for Educators, Parents, Students
Tonight on SCV NewsBreak, locals found out what it is like to be a school principal. Plus, there are some great events to head out to this weekend. Watch these stories and more on tonight's edition of SCV NewsBreak.
SCV NewsBreak for Friday, October 13, 2017
Starting Monday night, Oct. 16, the California Department of Transportation will paint new temporary lanes on a section of Interstate 5 aka the Golden State Freeway in and near the city of Santa Clarita.
New Temporary Lanes Coming Monday on Interstate 5 in SCV
The William S. Hart Union High School District is looking for someone to become a personnel commissioner to serve a three-year term beginning December 1, 2017.
Hart District Seeks Personnel Commissioner for Classified Employees
The College of the Canyons baseball program and Playa Vista Orioles youth baseball organization will host a free instructional clinic for players ages 11-14 at COC's Cougar Field in Valencia on Saturday, Oct. 21 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Oct. 21: COC Baseball, Playa Vista Orioles Youth Classic
An alumna of the Boys & Girls Club of Santa Clarita Valley, Cinthya Medrano, is the first recipient of a Duane R. Harte Memorial Scholarship.
Cinthya Medrano Earns First Duane R. Harte Memorial Scholarship
The non-profit Santa Clarita Coalition has created a Facebook page to aid the Evans family after the mother of six children died in a car crash on Golden Valley Road.
Facebook Page Created to Aid Evans Family
The Golden State Gateway Coalition, a non-profit transportation education and advocacy organization based in Santa Clarita, has published the fall 2017 edition of its newsletter, "Interchange."
Golden State Gateway Coalition Issues Fall 2017 Newsletter
The Castaic Lake Water Agency's Budget and Rates Committee is scheduled to meet on Tuesday, October 17 at 5:30 p.m.
Oct. 17: CLWA Budget and Rates Committee Meeting