Her name is Maryam Adam. She lives in Kano, Nigeria, and is married to Mohammed Umar. All of that might sound normal to women in America; it is anything but.
Maryam married Mohammed when she was just 15 years old. She was his second wife, and she would be followed by wife No. 3, Jamola Idris, and No. 4, Aisha Samaila. Umar’s first wife, also a cousin, Mainuna Ahuaibu, married him at age 14 and gave birth the following year.
Umar has no education of any consequence and complains he cannot support his 17 living children on his haphazard bricklayer trade. He bemoans his situation: “I never knew it would be such a burden for me,” or so he tells an L.A. Times reporter.
The sensible mind would automatically move to the obvious: Stop getting married and make a conscious effort in preventing more babies.
That concept is not in Umar’s head.
“You can’t escape fate,” he said. “What will happen, will happen. It’s divine destiny. People are pushed by passion, just the natural urge, this instinct.”
The first two wives objected to the third wife and certainly the fourth one. Their despair was met with laughing it off as “‘typical’ female jealousy.”
In addition to Umar’s 17 living children, he helps support an 18th – a son from his third wife’s previous marriage. Her other four children were sent to live with an uncle.
The culture is to disallow girls from going to school. They do not question their men, and if not married at some young age, like 15, girls are considered spinsters.
This is a country with vast areas of high illiteracy, high infant mortalities, human beings living in mosquito-infested spaces with chronic hunger, and thus severe malnutrition leading to poor brain development, if they survive at all.
It’s unimaginable to think of two wives and 13 kids, hungry and sick, living in a “small, dark corridor with no ceiling,” breathing charcoal smoke-polluted air. The latest resident is a 2-week-old baby.
The poverty continues on with no end in sight.
A number of women have recently commented to me, wondering what the women’s marches are all about, especially here in America, the most privileged place on earth. Yes, women included.
We’re told it’s about women’s rights and apparently not having enough of them, whatever that means in this day in age. I do not know of one woman who thinks she can’t strive for anything she wants because of her gender, including seeking equal pay for equal job performance.
A leading theme of the marches is the “right” to have an abortion, and that means a demand for abortion anytime and for any reason – under the umbrella of “it’s my right to control my body.”
There is an irony in the strident and raucous demand from women who exact that they have control over their own bodies. If that end game, i.e. “control,” is so prominent to them, then why are so many women finding themselves with unwanted pregnancies?
Irrespective on one’s views on abortion, the number of unintended pregnancies for women using birth control that failed even though they used methods consistently and correctly is small. The Guttmacher Institute puts that sect at 5 percent. The same goes for pregnancies as a result of incest or rape, which the Guttmacher places at 1 percent.
Social media provides an ease of communication that allows these marches to take place in cities around the world.
I can think of four wives in Kano, Nigeria, who would welcome these marching women on their territory where women truly have no rights.
Betty Arenson is a Valencia resident who believes in the Constitution in its entirety and that laws should be upheld and apply to everyone equally.
COMMENT POLICY: We welcome comments from individuals and businesses. All comments are moderated. Comments are subject to rejection if they are vulgar, combative, or in poor taste.
REAL NAMES ONLY: All posters must use their real individual or business name. This applies equally to Twitter account holders who use a nickname.
I kind of find myself agreeing with you here. In my past culture (LDS) women were treated and bargained for like chattel, and often had tremendously large families in poverty. No choices. Do as you’re told. Man leads the woman, and “if I want more wives, so what?”
Education, public action, public outrage, women’s rights, and government intervention all helped move the dial on that one and the practice ended in the early 1900’s.
We are blessed here, Betty. And part of that blessing stems from all the women who’ve marched over the decades and now, centuries.
We may not be able to help the Nigerians. Lord knows, we don’t need another war, right? But we can help here, and stand firm for women’ rights resolutely. Good that we have them. Let’s hope that we keep them.
Betty,
Truly where to begin? Has the thought ever entered your small provincial mind that those of us who choose to walk do so for the many who are not able to?
You mention abortion as a running theme of the Women’s March and conveniently omit the fact that the GOP has for decades has run on platforms that call for repealing ROE vs WADE, defunding Planned Parenthood, denying the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment, and failing to support rate increases in the hourly minimum wage. All of these issues and so many more affect all women regardless of age, race or ethnicity.
Of course women in the US have it easier than some women worldwide, but that “exception” applies predominately to white women, and NOT to women of color and not to single working mothers.
FYI, Planned Parenthood is the largest provider of reproductive health services in the US, serving approx. five million women, men and adolescents. Of those served, 80% have incomes at or far below the federal poverty level. Services provided include breast exams, prenatal care, Pap smears and research. ONLY 3% of their services is to provide abortions. Yet, defunding Planned Parenthood is the focus of this administration and the GOP. Do you plan on telling us where the millions who are currently served though Planned Parenthood are supposed to turn to if the nonprofit agency is defended? Of course not, because the purpose in defunding it is to punish women for getting pregnant. Never mind that 34% of Planned Parenthood services goes to contraception and preventing unwanted pregnancies.
As to the gender pay gap, it affects women of all ages, races and education levels and women face this gap in nearly every occupation. In the US, women working full time are paid 80% of what a man is paid. Again the pay gap is far worse for women of color and working mothers.
According to the US Census Bureau, the earnings ratio has not had a significant change since 2007, and this wage gap will not close until the year 2152. Although education may help to increase earnings, it is not effective against the GENDER PAY GAP, because at every level of academic achievement, a women’s median earnings are LESS than a men’s median earnings. Even you must acknowledge that earnings are affected by race and ethnicity as well as gender. Or do you not deal with facts either?
Finally, sexual violence against women. 1 in 5 or 20% of all college aged women will be sexually assaulted while only 4% of men will be. Sexual assault/violence against women on US college campuses is rampant; 11.2% of all students will experience some form of sexual assault. This places women ages 18-24 at an elevated risk that is simply unacceptable. In fact, only 5% percent of all assault cases ever get reported making it the most under reported crime.
So yes Betty, I marched. And yes, everyday I am grateful to have been born and live in the US and yes, I am a college educated woman of color, a granddaughter of immigrants, a wife, mother and a proud #NastyWoman. Yes, I marched and will do so again. For my rights, my daughter’s and for all those who could not. The only question left is why didn’t you?
All opinions and ideas are welcome. Factually inaccurate, libelous, defamatory, profane or hateful statements are not.
Your words must be your own. All commentary is subject to editing for legibility. There is no length limit, but the shorter,
the better the odds of people reading it. "Local" SCV-related topics are preferred. Send commentary to: LETTERS (at) SCVNEWS.COM. Author's full name, community name, phone number and e-mail address are required. Phone numbers and e-mail addresses are not published except at author's request. Acknowledgment of submission does not guarantee publication.
With school ending and summer break just around the corner, the Santa Clarita Public Library has everything you need to keep your family busy and engaged with reading, crafts and outdoor programs.
Baseball season is officially back! As a Southern California native, I grew up as an avid Dodger fan and I continue that tradition whenever I take my family to a game. There is no feeling that compares to entering Dodger Stadium and hearing the sound of cheering fans and the smell of fresh-cut grass and of course, Dodger Dogs!
This month, the city shines the spotlight on the friendly staff in the Building and Safety Division. May is Building and Safety Month and the 2022 theme is “Safety for All: Codes in Action.” This month builds awareness about the importance of building codes in ensuring safety in the spaces in which we live, work and learn.
For years, the city of Santa Clarita has been recognized as a Bicycle Friendly Community by The League of American Bicyclists. We are proud to offer cyclists more than 100 miles of off-street trails to ride throughout the Santa Clarita Valley.
When was the last time you enjoyed the great outdoors in Santa Clarita? With over 80 miles of scenic hiking trails and more than 126 miles of beautiful off-street trails to enjoy, our city is not short on outdoor activities that can get you moving.
The Santa Clarita City Council will hold a regular meeting Tuesday, May 24, beginning with a special/closed session at 5 p.m., followed immediately by open session at 6 p.m.
With school ending and summer break just around the corner, the Santa Clarita Public Library has everything you need to keep your family busy and engaged with reading, crafts and outdoor programs.
Feeling the need to act, members of the Santa Clarita Human Relations Roundtable, St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church, Congregation Beth Shalom, NAACP Santa Clarita, Higher Vision Church and the Islamic Center of Santa Clarita Valley decided to gather with community members to mark and reflect on the May 14 shooting in Buffalo, N.Y.
Los Angeles County Department of Public Health is working with state and national partners on an international outbreak of monkeypox. On May 19 the Centers for Disease Control confirmed a case of monkeypox in the United States in Massachusetts.
The father/son legacy continues after 40 years at Valley Institute of Prosthetics and Orthotics established in 1982. The company serves the Central Valley and the Santa Clarita Valley with the highest quality orthotic and prosthetic devices for patients to regain functionality.
The County of Los Angeles Department of Animal Care and Control is aware of the public’s desire to visit our animal care centers without an appointment. In response Animal Care and Control is adopting new public visitation hours for unscheduled visits just in time for National Pet Adoption Weekend, May 20-22.
Join the fun this summer and sign up for a class at Los Angeles county Parks. Don’t miss out on this unique opportunity to learn something new, make new friends and discover new talents.
The California Air Resources Board will host an open house of its new state-of-the-art “green” Southern California Headquarters, the Mary D. Nichols Campus, in Riverside on Saturday, May 21.
College of the Canyons had three Women's Softball players spotlighted by the California Community College Fastpitch Coaches Association with Ashlynn Heck, Allyson Melgar and Lisa Motz selected to the All-Southern California Team.
Los Angeles County is hosting the first in-person Homeowners' Resource Fair for the public since the pandemic hit two years ago. The event will be held Saturday, May 21 9 a.m. to noon at the Huntington Park Community Center, 6925 Salt Lake Ave., Huntington Park, CA 90255.
Free business training webinars are available from the College of the Canyons Small Business Development Corporation. The SBDC is the Small Business Administration's largest service program and provides high quality business and economic development assistance to small businesses and entrepreneurs. It provides no-cost business advising and low-cost training to existing and new businesses.
After a more than a two-year wait, the Free to Be Me Music Festival will make its much-anticipated debut at the Canyon Country Community Center, located at 18410 Sierra Highway, on Sunday, June 12, from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m.
The 37th Women in Service Celebration was hosted by the Zonta Club of Santa Clarita Valley on Saturday, May 14. The event honored 19 women who have worked tirelessly to improve the lives of women and girls in the SCV. The honorees were nominated by SCV nonprofits.
The Los Angeles County Department of Public Health confirmed Thursday nine additional deaths and 4,725 new positive cases countywide, with 164 new cases in the Santa Clarita Valley.
The Fil-Am Association of Santa Clarita Valley will host the "A Black Tie Gala" on July 23 at 7 p.m. at the Hyatt Regency Valencia, located at 24500 Town Center Drive.
REAL NAMES ONLY: All posters must use their real individual or business name. This applies equally to Twitter account holders who use a nickname.
4 Comments
Betty,
I kind of find myself agreeing with you here. In my past culture (LDS) women were treated and bargained for like chattel, and often had tremendously large families in poverty. No choices. Do as you’re told. Man leads the woman, and “if I want more wives, so what?”
Education, public action, public outrage, women’s rights, and government intervention all helped move the dial on that one and the practice ended in the early 1900’s.
We are blessed here, Betty. And part of that blessing stems from all the women who’ve marched over the decades and now, centuries.
We may not be able to help the Nigerians. Lord knows, we don’t need another war, right? But we can help here, and stand firm for women’ rights resolutely. Good that we have them. Let’s hope that we keep them.
– Gary
Your party’s goal of eliminating women’s services such as Planned Parenthood cause the effect you mentioned at the first part of this non-sequitur.
I hate to correct a person who is so in line with what’s right and what I know to be true, but the phrase is “…in this day AND age”, not “in age”.
Betty,
Truly where to begin? Has the thought ever entered your small provincial mind that those of us who choose to walk do so for the many who are not able to?
You mention abortion as a running theme of the Women’s March and conveniently omit the fact that the GOP has for decades has run on platforms that call for repealing ROE vs WADE, defunding Planned Parenthood, denying the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment, and failing to support rate increases in the hourly minimum wage. All of these issues and so many more affect all women regardless of age, race or ethnicity.
Of course women in the US have it easier than some women worldwide, but that “exception” applies predominately to white women, and NOT to women of color and not to single working mothers.
FYI, Planned Parenthood is the largest provider of reproductive health services in the US, serving approx. five million women, men and adolescents. Of those served, 80% have incomes at or far below the federal poverty level. Services provided include breast exams, prenatal care, Pap smears and research. ONLY 3% of their services is to provide abortions. Yet, defunding Planned Parenthood is the focus of this administration and the GOP. Do you plan on telling us where the millions who are currently served though Planned Parenthood are supposed to turn to if the nonprofit agency is defended? Of course not, because the purpose in defunding it is to punish women for getting pregnant. Never mind that 34% of Planned Parenthood services goes to contraception and preventing unwanted pregnancies.
As to the gender pay gap, it affects women of all ages, races and education levels and women face this gap in nearly every occupation. In the US, women working full time are paid 80% of what a man is paid. Again the pay gap is far worse for women of color and working mothers.
According to the US Census Bureau, the earnings ratio has not had a significant change since 2007, and this wage gap will not close until the year 2152. Although education may help to increase earnings, it is not effective against the GENDER PAY GAP, because at every level of academic achievement, a women’s median earnings are LESS than a men’s median earnings. Even you must acknowledge that earnings are affected by race and ethnicity as well as gender. Or do you not deal with facts either?
Finally, sexual violence against women. 1 in 5 or 20% of all college aged women will be sexually assaulted while only 4% of men will be. Sexual assault/violence against women on US college campuses is rampant; 11.2% of all students will experience some form of sexual assault. This places women ages 18-24 at an elevated risk that is simply unacceptable. In fact, only 5% percent of all assault cases ever get reported making it the most under reported crime.
So yes Betty, I marched. And yes, everyday I am grateful to have been born and live in the US and yes, I am a college educated woman of color, a granddaughter of immigrants, a wife, mother and a proud #NastyWoman. Yes, I marched and will do so again. For my rights, my daughter’s and for all those who could not. The only question left is why didn’t you?
#whyimarch