Facebook has a new version coming out today that will change everything and make it a little better. It is a version that even the NSA can navigate without a problem.

What the NSA sees about me doesn’t worry me. For more than 40 years of my life in and around the Navy, it was my command; the NIS (now NCIS), NSA and just about anyone else knew exactly where I was, what I was doing and why I was doing it. I might not have known what was happening, but they did – er, do.

I am worried the folks at the Santa Monica Mountains Conservancy are watching me. Someone overheard the radio of a SMMC ranger sitting in Towsley, saying he’d better get to Mentryville because I had many carloads of third-grade students and their parents were breaking the parking regulation.

Oh, no. Reminds me of the song, “Alice’s Restaurant.” Off to jail because they didn’t pay for parking. On State Property. In the middle of an empty parking lot. Oh, the humanity.

The city may have received the first complaint about the new traffic circle, or roundabout, in Newhall. Someone made 34 complete revolutions before realizing they could get off of the circle anytime. They want a warning sign erected, saying you could get dizzy using the circle. The ACLU is representing them. The city might settle out of court for $52,000 plus lawyers’ fees. Nothing unusual about it at all.

I was thinking it seemed a little strange that the city of Santa Clarita has a new head of communications and, like the last one, was named Gail. Nobody told me about the wedding. So Gail Ortiz is now Gail Morgan. Congratulations. Sorry I missed the party. I’ll send a gift as soon as Leon gives me another raise. (Maybe this year … decade … whatever.)

As part of an emergency test, the California Department of Water Resources is going to see how fast Castaic Lake can be drained today. Please watch for rising water levels in Castaic Creek. This is being done to determine how long it would take a natural disaster to cause the dam to fail. Of course, it could be because the high-speed rail system has found yet another way to disrupt as many people as possible.

Wouldn’t it be easier just to let the folks in that lesser valley to our south water their lawns longer? Oh, they already do that.

Speaking of high-speed rail, the first tests of the new system’s trains have once again been delayed. Lionel has production orders that must come before any placed by the Great State of California. (One of the big orders is from an individual named “Santa Claus” or “Kris Kringle.”)

With the current budget problems at the state level, Gov. Brown is trying to find his old Plymouth (the one he had during his first terms in office). He doesn’t want to drive it, but he figures if he can find it, it could be worth a lot as an antique. He could be worth a lot as an antique, too. Guess not. Worthless is just that.

Did you hear Councilman TimBen Boydston is going to limit his remarks to two hours at the next meeting? I didn’t hear that, so let me know if you did. That would be Big News.

With the election only eight days away, I’m predicting that no incumbent will stay in office. They’ll be at the polls instead. Got to work to the last minute of the last vote of the last polling place. I’ve solved my voting problem. I’ll vote right and vote often. Just like the folks in Chicago and New York. (Some in Florida, too.)

Some more news: John Boston got married last week. He found a Sasquatch to be his best man. John got a new hat for the wedding. He now has a 15-gallon hat instead of the old 10-gallon. We still want to meet the bride. So does John.

I’m really going to miss the billboard with Tami Tetreault Edwards and Dave Caldwell’s pictures. Maybe not Dave’s picture – but that picture of Tami can never be called “blight.” Do I hear an “Amen” to that? Thank you.

As soon as it is built, the new “Central Cross Valley Connector” from Lyons Avenue to Sierra Highway and Highway 14 will speed us to downtown – er, Old Town Newhall – a lot faster. It is scheduled to be completed about the same time the high-speed rail system connects Los Angeles and San Francisco. Maybe 2055?

Sure is fun today. Whatever I wrote, remember: Have a safe and happy Aprils Fool’s Day.

Darryl Manzer grew up in the Pico Canyon oil town of Mentryville in the 1960s and attended Hart High School. After a career in the U.S. Navy he returned to live in the Santa Clarita Valley. He can be reached at dmanzer@scvhistory.com and his commentaries, published on Tuesdays and Sundays, are archived at DManzer.com. Watch his walking tour of Mentryville [here].