7 Things You May Not Know About Single Mothers Outreach

Jul 01, 2014 07:05 am | DaAnne Smith

Unless you are in the office with us every day, you might now know these seven facts about Single Mothers Outreach.

1. Presently SMO has two paid staff: Maria Clemens, our Programs and Services Director, and DaAnne Smith, our Executive Director. Carolyn Olsen, our Operations Director, volunteers her time.
2. Many single moms struggle with depression and anxiety and 50% suffer the effects of domestic violence. Each year SMO receives three interns from the CSUN Masters in Social Work program to deliver individual and group therapy to parents. Professional supervision is provided by SMO’s overseeing Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Tiffani Brooks. Ms. Brooks holds a Master of Social Work degree from USC, and has provided clinical supervision for SMO since 2013. Interns serve at SMO from September through May. SMO is also fortunate to have two Parent Advocates: AmyKate Gowland and Irene Chavez, who help us serve the needs of our families. Rounding out the office staff are our phenonmenal administrative volunteers: Darlene Allen, Helen Parido, and Marcella.
3. SMO presently serves 358 single parents and 705 children? Our counseling and case management services are free to parents. Cost to SMO: $96,000
4. Since 2008 we have graduated 131 parents from our financial training program, Financial Peace University. On average, parents pay off $1029 in debt and save $1,222 during the course. Students pay $15.00 for their kits. Cost to SMO: $18,000 per year.
5. On any given month, 9 SMO parents take classes from home through Lynda.com. Gail Eisenberg calls them weekly and monitors their progress toward set goals. Students use the license for six weeks, then we transfer the license to the next student because there is a waiting list. Lynda.com is free to parents. Cost to SMO: $6,250 annually. Gail also teaches Microsoft Word and Excel to parents. These six week classes, run throughout the year, costs parents $15.00 per course. Cost to SMO: $12,000 annually.
6. SMO provides complimentary childcare for ALL classes and workshops? We want to be sure parents have access to all our programs.
7. Every month an average of 40 families receive free clothing from Closet on Main? They take away over 1000 pieces of clothing valued around $3000.

Why Do We Fear Rejection?

Jun 27, 2014 07:10 am | DaAnne Smith

By Jill Kola-Ines

“ I want a divorce.” “I hate you, Mom.” Words like this can sting.  Rejection from a child can be as painful as rejection from a lover.

People may tell you that kids do not mean what they say, but when you’re a single mom and your children are the only loves in your life, their words can be excruciatingly painful.  Similar to when spouses or even parents make you feel you aren’t good enough, it can be crushing to your psyche.

One thing that has helped me is concentrating on the people I have left in my life that still love me, warts and all.

It is true that you find out who your real friends are during trials in your life. They just seem to rise to the surface.  They are there for you whenever you need them. They do not judge, but are not afraid to let you know when you’re slipping back into old ways or negative thinking patterns that are harmful.

Why are we scared to be alone?  That is the real question.  It is also true that if you do not like yourself, why should anyone else want to be around you?  I think we can use this time of transition to get to know ourselves, and what we like and want from our lives now that we are a separate entity and don’t have anyone else but our children to consider.

It is like being a teenager all over again but without the acne and bullying. There may still be some social pressure to party or play the field, but we now have the wisdom to know what’s best for us, and the self-esteem to stand up for ourselves.  We do not give in to peer pressure.

Maybe I’m just speaking about myself now that I’m in my 40’s but I feel like I’m okay being alone and am secure in myself.  I recently posted a quote on Facebook about how good it feels to let go.  Someone replied, “Yep, let go and move on!”  I felt like I needed to say “Just because I don’t have a significant other in my life doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on and am not happy.”

Not only does society tell us that to be happy we need a certain job, house and car, but that we’re not complete unless we have a partner.  What’s so bad about being single?  Especially if you still have your morals intact.  You are not hurting anyone or using anyone.

Sometimes it’s better to be alone than unhappy or just settling so you are not alone. Do not get me wrong, I do NOT believe in divorce.  I believe you should work things out as best you can for most situations.  I’m talking about dating relationships.  Of course every situation is unique, but I think irreconcilable differences is a bunch of hooey.  But that’s just my opinion and you don’t have to agree.

I am finally seeing that some things happen for a reason, and I am trusting in God’s plan.  I am finding my identity again and discovering who I am now.

I’m A Single Parent: What’s Your Super Power (part 3)

Jun 25, 2014 07:05 am | Dorothea DePrisco

by Dorothea DePrisco

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

Friday 10:00pm

Texts from the Ex: 6

Hours of sleep: 5

Glasses of scotch: 1.5

The kids are asleep.

I’m in my teeny tiny backyard having a scotch.

Yes, scotch. I have a small bottle in the back of my pantry that I keep for the really, really bad days. I also have a pack of cigarettes back there for the extra lousy days.

I’m smoking one right now. (Please, no judging, today was a challenge.)

DING

I looked at my phone.

Text from the Ex: Just a reminder: when you sell the truck I get half.

I think to myself, the Kelly Blue Book value is $900.00. Ya couldn’t give me the $900.00?

I light up another cigarette.

Today started at 6:30am.

My daughter threw a temper tantrum.

The full on, red-faced, stomping feet, real tears kind.

Then she screamed, “I’m never EVER going to preschool again!”

She proceeds to lock herself in the bathroom.

After twenty minutes of attempting to coerce her to unlock the door, I realized my entire day would need some tweaking. Twenty minutes can mess with a single parent’s day.

Once one thing is out of place, even the perfectly organized parent has to pull off some serious acrobatics.

My son, Ethan and I removed the doorknob. After about ten minutes we got Evelyn out.

Then, she burst into tears again. I looked at her little sallow face and took her temperature…102. That explains everything. I picked her up and put her in my bed. In ten minutes she’s asleep.

But, before I started rearranging my day, I wanted to fix the doorknob.

Unfortunately as I screwed in one side, I let go of the door and….

#*&#!

I was locked in.

I sat calmly for a moment. Ok, relax. Solution oriented. Don’t be the victim.

“Ethan, uh…”
“Did you lock yourself in mom?”

“Yeah. Slip my phone under the door, will ya?”

I hear him chuckle to himself. Stinker.

Ethan will be late for school and miss the Dance Festival.

“Yes! I don’t have the do the Irish jig this morning because you locked yourself in the bathroom. LOVE YOU, MOM!”

Who do you call when you get locked in the bathroom?

My sisters are in different states.

My husband got all the friends.

Ah, the sitter!

Apparently she was still sleeping. “Uh, well if you can’t find someone else I’ll come over.”

Called a friend. No answer.

I had nobody? Really?

I tried the ex. No answer.

My daughter woke up, saw I was locked in the bathroom and started wailing, “MOMMY IS TWAPPED! HELP!”

Thankfully, Ethan calmed her down, put on a Peppa Pig DVD and we brainstormed through the door.

“Mom, can you get through the bathroom window?”

“No, I think I’m too chubby.”

“Well, can you hang out the window and I’ll pull you through?”

“Sweetie, it’s mom’s back end that will get stuck.”

“Oh. Ok, well I’m going in the garage. I’ll be right back.”

In the background the dog was barking, I could hear Evelyn singing to Peppa Pig.

Ethan got the screwdriver and he tried to get the doorknob on his side.

“Ok, Mom, don’t sit too close. I’m going to try and put the doorknob back in on my end.”

And he did it. My boy saved the day. I was a proud mama.

Finally, by 10:00 am, we get Ethan to school and sign him in. Ethan’s second grade teacher is at the front desk. We trade pleasantries.

After that she says, “Wow, well, congratulations! I see your working on your third!”

I freeze, look around and see the look of pity around the office. Most of the office ladies know I’m going through a divorce. They all know I’m not knocked up.

After feeling my face turn red with embarrassment, I look right at her and say, “I am fat not pregnant.”

My son looks at me with pure pity and hugs me goodbye. Hugs me AT SCHOOL. Pretty shocking for a fifth grader. He gave me a small pat on the back, turned around and walked to his class.

I noticed as he walked away his body was changing. His shoulders were wider, he definitely needed longer pants, and he was carrying himself with more confidence.

Now it was time to rearrange my day so I could take care of my daughter. When we returned home her temperature was 104. I put her on the bed, put a cold washcloth on her head and held her. Although God and I are on a break because frankly I have no idea what his big picture plan is for me, I ask him to please keep my girl well.

With my other hand I…

1. Cancelled my eye doctor appointment for today.
2. Called the ex to ask if he could help with Evelyn because I wanted to finish the Single Mothers Outreach press releases I had promised to write. He said, “Well, I have a job. So, no, call the sitter.”
3. Asked the ex if he could pick up groceries because we were out of milk and eggs and the food bank doesn’t open until Tuesday. “I’m screwed with money too.”
4. Arranged for someone to pick Ethan up from school and bring him home. As well as someone to pick him up for martial arts testing and return him home. Thank God for the kindness of others.
5. Checked my bank account: $15.00 for the next two weeks and I only paid half my rent.
6. Cancelled the meeting I had with another SMO mom to brainstorm how to find a job.

By the time the kids were in bed, I felt as if I ran a marathon. They were fed, bathed and asleep. I was thankful. I could hear their small breaths. They were fine.

My dog, Daphne came on the bed. I was too tired to shoo her off. She put her head on my lap as if to say, relax. And I did.

Single Moms Bond with Children in Art Class

Jun 24, 2014 09:05 am | DaAnne Smith

SMO single parents and their children were treated to free art classes courtesy of SMO and our friend and artist, Gloria Locke. Not a sound could be heard from any of the children; they were completely absorbed in their artwork. Everyone commented what a great time they had.

Gloria will once again offer an art class to SMO families in July. If you are a SMO parent, you can register here or call SMO at 661-288-0117.

I’m A Single Parent: What’s Your Superpower? (Part 2) —by Dorothea DePrisco

Jun 17, 2014 12:35 pm | Dorothea DePrisco

Contact: dorothea@dorotheadeprisco.com9:00am

Texts from the Ex: 11

Hours of sleep: 6

Cups of coffee: 3

The kids and I are in the car on the way to school. We do our regular sing along to FREE TO BE YOU AND ME. Remember that? Marlo Thomas, Alan Alda… when the world had real music and no videos?

As we approach his school, my ten-year old son rolls up the windows and lowers the music.

My three-year old daughter yells from the back seat, “TURN IT BACK UP!”

He barks back at her, “NO! I don’t want everyone to hear it! I won’t have any friends if they hear mom singing.”

 “I’m gonna poop on your face!” she yells back.

 “OK, everyone, let’s just calm down. Mommy wants five minutes of quiet.”

 Of course that just riles up the little one, “I WON’T BE QUIET! I LIKE TO TALK! LALALALALA!   ETHAN IS A POOPIE HEAD.”

 Ah…my delightful babies.

 After everyone has been dropped off at their designated place, at their designated time, I return home and sit at my desk. My cat, Desi (yes, I named him after Desi Arnaz) climbs up on my desk and rolls over for his morning belly rub.

My desk is in my bedroom. My bedroom is my cave. It’s always dark to keep it cool. There are cough drop wrappers on the floor, cat hair on my bed, dirty laundry in one basket, clean in another (although frankly I have no idea which is which) and my unpaid bills are spilling across the desk onto the printer.

My ex hated the mail and bills everywhere. Sometimes I’d leave my papers around just to bug him. Inevitably he would look down at me while I was writing at my desk (yeah, I’m a writer, I write books for children. Don’t get too excited, I’m no J.K. Rowling).

So, the ex would say, “If your work space isn’t in order, your head isn’t in order.”

As he would speak I would think to myself, “If you kept our money in the bank, these bills would be paid!”

DING

Yup, text from the ex:

EX: “Will you actually be home tonight so I can talk to the kids?”

My thoughts on this text: I’m home all of the time except when I’m in AL-ANON! Thanks, babe. My secondary thought is AVOID CONFLICT.

MY ACTUAL RESPONSE: Yup, I’m home.

After looking at the bills I can’t pay, I log onto the Single Mothers Outreach activity. Someone needs diapers, I got those so I text the mom. Someone needs a car seat, Maria is reminding us to attend the BUSINESS PLAN WORKSHOP. I signed up. I’ve written several business plans but I’m broke now so maybe I did something wrong. I figured for $10.00 (which I happily found in the laundry) I’d go and see what I can learn. I found with the Single Mothers Outreach classes and workshops it’s really just nice to be in the presence of ladies that aren’t judging you and you learn something. It gets you out of the house. It forces you to get dressed! Takes you away from the pity party for a moment in time.

I hear a series of dings on my phone.

I look through the texts:

1. SOUTHERN CA EDISON: YOUR BILL IS PAST DUE: $400.00. Your electric will be turned off in 5 days if we do not receive payment.

My thought on this text: #*$&#*&%

2. My sister: HOW’S THE JOB HUNT?

My thought on this text: #*$&#*&%

3. This guy I met on Match.com: “Hey there, Donna thought we could meet at Rattler’s and share a salad.”

My thought on this text: SERIOUSLY? First of all Donna?  Second of all SHARE A SALAD? I may be broke and single with kids and have no job but I’m worth more than a half of a salad, baby.

4. Another MOM: “Can you pick Jake up from school because I’m running late.”

My thought on this text: Ugh, yeah, sure.

5. JUST A REMINDER: SINGLE MOTHERS OUTREACH SHOP THE CLOSET

My thought on this text: Oh, ok, gotta try and get there. I need free clothes.

I diligently comb through SCV Jobs and apply to all I can. I have five versions of my resume so that I’m prepared for anything from freelance writing to washing cats to customer service jobs.

Then I hear a knock. I open the front door. I was served. My ex had many car accidents. Now I’m being sued along with him because the car is in my name. Oh, and for 3 million dollars. Hahaha! Laugh with me. If you don’t laugh, you’ll go insane. Remember that.

I look up and it’s time to pick my daughter up at preschool. I didn’t even have a chance to shower. My neck hurts from being at the computer. I’m tired. Boo hoo, poor me.

I grab an apple and get my girl. She’s waiting for me at her little table, holding her lunchbox. She’s all of 30 pounds. She’s pure happiness (until she’s not).

She smiles at me and ya know everything ain’t so bad.

Unable to locate audio file.

Single Mothers Outreach Announces Laurie Tucci Auger as their Dancing Star

Jun 12, 2014 02:01 pm | Dorothea DePrisco

Single Mothers Outreach

Announces Laurie Tucci Auger as their Dancing Star

CONTACT:

DaAnne Smith, Executive Director

(661) 200-0745

http://singlemothersoutreach.org/

PRESS RELEASE

 Santa Clarita, CA (June 10, 2014)–Single Mothers Outreach today announced that star volunteer, Laurie Tucci Auger with be representing SMO at the 2014 Santa Clarita Valley Dancing With Our Stars event on Friday, August 22 at College of the Canyons Santa Clarita Performing Arts Center. Eighteen non-profit organizations will be participating in the Santa Clarita fundraising event. Judges include celebrity guests, including KTLA morning news anchor Chris Schauble, Marlee Lauffer and Cheri Fleming.

Laurie Tucci Auger

 Laurie Tucci Auger has graciously agreed to represent SMO at the August 22 Dancing With Our Stars event. Laurie’s participation in the DWOS event comes as no surprise.  After all, Laurie and SMO have the same exact objective…to help single families thrive.

Prior to moving to Santa Clarity Valley, six years ago, Laurie Tucci Auger spent her career helping others. Originally from Minnesota, Laurie worked for the Big Brother Big Sister program. During her tenure, Laurie’s focus was assisting single parent families in finding the right resources but also to learn self-sufficiency.

As a long-time volunteer for SMO, Laurie has been working at SMO’s Closet on Main.  Marrying her love of fashion, clothing and volunteerism, Laurie, along with Margo Hudson, is a fixture at the boutique. Laurie wants to remind women that they are more beautiful than they think. “We (women) are so critical of ourselves but what I love about fashion is that you can find that one piece of clothing or accessory and you can feel great.”

And in conjunction with her work at Closet on Main, Laurie will be starting her own boutique appropriately named, Via Tucci.

Prepare to cheer and VOTE for Laurie as she performs a beautiful waltz, a passionate tango and spicy salsa in support of SMO and single parents of Santa Clarita!

 Vote For Laurie Here: http://singlemothersoutreach.org/dwos/

Ticket prices are $35/$45 and are now available:

Purchase tickets online at www3.canyons.edu/Offices/PIO/CanyonsPAC/dwos.html

Purchase tickets through the box office at: 661-363-5304

For additional information, call Alex Hafizi at 661-294-4444 extension 107, or visit www.facebook.com/SCVDWOS.

About SMO:

The majority of families who come to Single Mothers Outreach for assistance are impoverished, have experienced housing changes because of eviction and are struggling with significant emotional, physical, or financial trauma. For these families, safety in their living situation, employment, and support can be very challenging to achieve.

I’m A Single Parent: What’s Your Superpower? (Part 1)

Jun 09, 2014 11:33 am | Dorothea DePrisco

 Dorothea DePrisco

 Contact me at: dorothea@dorotheadeprisco.com

Monday: 6:00 am

Texts from the Ex: 23

Hours of sleep: 5

Cups of coffee: 4

 Sunlight creeps into my bedroom and I sense a small little person staring at me. A small finger lifts my eyelid.

 A little voice whispers, “Mama?”

I pried open both eyes, “Yes?”

“Do you know what it’s like to be really, really hungry?”

In my head I say, I do.

I smile. I love the smell of my daughter’s hair in the morning. It’s warm; it’s curly and blonde and smells like flowers. Her breath, well, not so much…

I drag myself out of bed, pick up my three-year old girl and head for the kitchen.

I call to my ten year old who is IMPOSSIBLE to get out of bed. I go up to his room with the water gun. I know, I know, it’s awful, but it’s the only way.

After he growls at me, I go downstairs to make breakfast.

I glance at my phone.

I see texts from the ex.

I get my coffee first.

I scan the subjects: MY DAYS OFF CHANGED; OUR SON DOESN’T EAT ENOUGH VEGETABLES; I THINK YOU NEED MORE RULES IN YOUR HOUSE; ARE THE KIDS GOING TO CHURCH.

With a mouth full of pancakes my daughter says, “I don’t want to go to preschool. I want to stay home with you.”

“Mom is looking for a job, you have to go to school,” replies her older brother.

I hear a series of dings on my phone.

I look through the texts:

1. T-MOBILE BILL IS PAST DUE: $220.00

2. Attorney: We have to talk ASAP. Call me.

3. Another Mom: Hey, since you’re home on Friday nights can you watch my kids so hubby and I can go on a date? (I let out a small growl)

4. PTA: You missed the last meeting; we need update on the bookfair.

5. JUST A REMINDER: Single Mothers Outreach  SUPPORT GROUP THIS WEEK

I put the SMO support group on my calendar immediately and leave the rest for later. The group is the one thing I do for self care. I should do more for myself but I’m not there yet.

I get the kids ready for school. My daughter grabs a box of Cheezits without me looking. On the way to school she starts throwing them out the window. In the car my son let’s me know tomorrow is Colonial Day so he has to wear a full-blown Colonial boy costume. I drop them off. I get home. I sit in my driveway.

I talk to God in my head. I thank him. I ask for strength. I ask for patience. I ask him to just stay with me today.

Stock Photos Courtesy of freerangestock.com

SMO Welcomes New Board Directors

Jun 03, 2014 08:34 am | DaAnne Smith

2014)–Single Mothers Outreach today announced the appointment of Lindsay Schlick and Bill Miranda to its Board of Directors.

Lindsay Schlick is a professional photographer and entrepreneur. Schlick brings extensive marketing knowledge, networking skills and an impeccable record of entrepreneurial success to Single Mothers Outreach (SMO). Schlick built her company, SchlickArt.com from the ground up in only two years and has had continued financial success.

In 2013, Schlick was nominated as a Santa Clarita Valley JCI 40 Under Honoree and presented a keynote speech on marketing for small businesses at the Women In Touch Networking Group.

Schlick’s goal as a board member is to create more fundraising events to the Santa Clarita community in order to raise awareness about SMO. Additionally, she wants to help expand the message of SMO country wide so single parents everywhere are able to find assistance.

Bill Miranda is currently president of the Bill Miranda Leadership Center and the CEO of the Santa Clarita Valley Latino Chamber of Commerce. He is host of the radio program, Querer es Poder: Where There’s A Will There’s A Way.

Miranda started ScanMex, S.A. de C.V., a barcode systems company in Mexico City. He and his team built the company into Mexico’s number one barcode systems company. After selling the company, Bill created Bill Miranda Consulting, a company focused on marketing and sales. Over time, Miranda’s company evolved into the Bill Miranda Leadership Center, which is focused on building leadership skills among the Latino Community.

Miranda hopes to share his business, coaching and entrepreneurial skills to help SMO reach out to more single parents. He is motivated by helping others and hopes to concentrate on getting more single families off the street and into affordable housing.